I have to hate this, I say to myself
Sitting here with the sun in my hardy little eyes
I have fought and I have fought against
It
This permenent feeling of wantedness
Of being somewhere and of their being
Love available
Straight from the source.
And now that it is here
And I am craving it’s open space and it
Sips in little forgiving motions
From my heart, I know
I am edged out of myself
I know I feel myself fading
Wit the love
The love it takes me away
From myself
From the girl I know I had to be
And here I am
Ripped over and given to love
And I hate the way it hurts
I hate how I have to crack and burn
T feel something that might be good
But that right now is just awful.
The heart it will wait forever
Just to be filled for one portion of a second
And forever it will remember
How that second felt
Comparing every other second to it
So that they may stack up for years and years
And never be equal to the one
Never ever coming even close.
Love it burns and opens
Like a wound
It grafts its name
Onto the skin of your heart
And you feel it and for some sick reason
You still want it after and through its pain
You still realize that it will make you grow
The sickest part is that you insert yourself again and again
Into the love game
Knowing that your heart will burn and forge itself
Into a new disease each time and time
And that the disease is really you
Being happy.
Love cannot be anything other than
Addiction
I guess,
And I am unwilling
To see this for a little while
Because addiction is
Inherently bad
But love isn’t or so we’lre told
But why do we know
We are less than love
Why do we let it beat us into submisison
Why do we do exactly what it tells us to
Even if we don’t want to
And even if it doesn’t sit right in our souls
We do it again and again
For love
As if love would beat and hurt and even
Kill us if we did not run after it
Well I want to tell love
Well I don’t need you
You ugly tramp
You sick villian
Not even that I can make my own
But I can live without it
But I know I can
And so I have nothing to do.
But sit and not die, not yet.
It will begin one day
When you are alone
Completely along
You will feel it
Like a train from faraway
Only the passengers
On it are all you
Yes those are your faces
Up against the window
And the air is composed
Of all the yous breathing
And you can feel it coming
Feel all the bones shaking
Yours and the other yous
And their voices mingle
With yours, you guess
An the weather it all
Multiplies as the millions of
Your eyes see it and they all
Want to scream out how much
They want to love you
And each other
But then the train passes
And you feel the whoosh of your
Own bodies slipping away from you
And you know now that you
Are truly alone in the world.
I am afraid
Of leaving love and never having it
Know where to find me.
So I put myself in its place
Here I say, dangling myself
Befor love
And wearing bright colored clothing
Reds and blues
So the heat and the coolness
Knows how to get into me
Knows which path to take
Through my eyes or through
The fingers, through the toes
I don’t care, I am a giant
Welcome mat for love
But then I lay around
And I sit here typing
And I know I fight it
I have dug a moat, know this
All the bodies love has flung at me
Floating dead into it
And I have put up iron gates
And thoes gates have spikes
And on them are my heads
And all of them are laughing
And I don’t know what to do
To take them down
They have been there for a long time
I guess I will wait
And see if anyone
Knows how to get around
My elaborate traps
And maybe I can show them
Maybe I can begin to reveal
Some of the secrets to the labyrinth
That is me
And hopefuly one day
It won’t just be me inside of
Me anymore.
Hopefully.
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