bands and trees

just found the most awesomest band to rock the planet... isn't it amazing how certain things that are really really close to how you feel have been around and you have no contact with them? what brings us into contact with them? I wonder. for me it was pandora. listening yesterday it played this band and now i am fully obsessed. i can't stop listening to them on youtube. they are the perfect mix of glam rock pop and emo, and whatever else they embody. they are funky and fun and the lyrics are FINALLY, FUCKING WELL WRITTEN. I'm sorry for all you regina spektor fans but my freshmen comp students could write better lyrics. i want a smart musician; this is one.

and it just makes me wanna dance. wherever i am. in this coffee shop, for instance.

i'm writin' the thesis. today is a good day. it is a wide open day with wide open days for natural reminders and bracketed in more wide openness. monday and tuesday are free for me. i will write and hopefully produce something sonorous. i like ... listening to these awesome guys, and being in a new place, whose location i will NOT DISCLOSE bc i want it to be all mine.. hehe. but the food here is amazing and it's kinda far but it's surrounded by beautiful long and gray green trees that remind me of up north. i feel like i wanna go take a walk around a lake after this.

they only ever have decaf americano, those bastards

hisies. (hi-zies). we are at the starbucks in southgate. i never venture over to different parts of this town. it is interesting like all new places. one of my new years resolutions was to try to explore a different side to this city that i loathe so much. so far i have tried a delicious greek restaurant, and now i am at a new starbucks. this branching out will take place very... very... slowly.

i have been writing steadily. i have nothing really interesting to share. i have been having the weirdest dreams recently. one of them consisted of someone cutting my chest open with a power saw in order to empty my heart of the sand packed around it.

frigid days in tallahassee. my hands are dry. it is so dry i keep shocking my boyfriend. things i think are changing. i can see the end of this program and it honestly feels good; working every free hour of every single day does not feel daunting, but exactly what i want to do.

just to be interesting: i love staring at people. this girl poring over her book kept looking up at me evilly as i passed and i smiled real big at her, and she smiled after she looked back down, a remnant of what was already a leftover smile. she reminded me of me.

starbuckses are all the same; they promote modernness, or would it be post post post all those things that we are. when i am here i feel that the starbucks sits inside of me, being itself, so i dont have to be myself. the brand has worked itself into a friend into an old accomplice that sort of waits and sits on your shoulder digging into your ear. when you come back it is like a long old slow tape playing yourself talking from years ago. of course it is also getting coffee in a hopelessly sterile environment feigning richness.

it is ... saturday.

i am eating an apple. this prevents me from thinking clearly. hold on.

chew chew chew

okay. wait...

chew chew

swallow.

back in tallahassee. little pieces of beauty here and there to be appreciated. overall a lot of anger and anxiety. not looking forward to teaching but hope it doesn't show to students who deserve someone to be excited about them.

today while grocery shopping i pretended i was in spain. i very much want to be in spain again.

there are places we have that are kind of like people. modest mouse has a song about this (it is very good). another good song (paper thin walls).

if tallahassee were a person, it'd be a family member who beat me.

if spain were a person, or seville, it'd be a beautiful grandmother very young in a picture.

if my apartment were a person, it'd be a maid from a foreign country, pretty but sloppy, who smokes, and who is nice.

if jonathan's apartment were a person, it'd be an old dude who worked at a deli with really good turkey but the deli was kinda grimey.

we just bought good turkey. MMMM