mas

Nothing satisfies me
Therefore, nothing, I let you satisfy me.
Pain is indistict, without borders
Beginning and ending outside of me.
I know I am not responsible for my pain;
I feel it grasping from deep inside the earth, an angry mother.
And yet in its mouth I am broken
Through cracks of myself I view small changes taking place
But they are too far away to make out.
Whatever person lives in this pain
It is not me. Whatever time has freed
Cannot expect to make a home in time.


*

It is 3:30; by 10:00, I will be a new woman
But I will not recognize what changes have taken place
And also I will not remember the woman I am now
So I think I should document
What I feel, how I have acted
Sitting here, typing, trying to name things
As they decay.
Allowing something so simple as rain
To penetrate me, I realize how small I am
And how far off from the world I can be
Despite these endless channels I swim
Away, away, toward, toward.

*


Sorrow comes disguised as yellow leaves
A green lighter and a phone: this is my allowance of pain.
Cigarette butt speaks the only truth I know
And that is that all craving ends in the destruction of self.


*


First, I will tell myself all that is not true
And then I can begin again to meddle with Tuesday
Having faith in the outstretched and ungrateful sorrow
That rounds out my flesh; though as I am ended
By leaf, rain drops, traffic noise,
I remember my only duty is in delivering the unsaid
Into what has no knowledge of sorrow
Cannot fathom bliss, shakes pain from underfoot
And extends its root into the sky.